When Emotions Feel Like Earthquakes: Understanding BPD and Supporting the People We Love

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often described as living without emotional skin. Feelings arrive fast, intensely, and sometimes overwhelmingly. For the person experiencing BPD, everyday interactions can feel like tidal waves—beautiful and powerful one moment, frightening and destabilising the next. And for the people who love them, it can be confusing to know how to help, how to stay grounded, and how to stay connected through the storms.

What’s important to remember is this: BPD is not a character flaw, a choice, or a lack of effort. It’s a condition rooted in emotional sensitivity, trauma, and nervous system responses that fire differently. People with BPD often feel deeply, love fiercely, and care intensely. Their emotional world is vivid—sometimes painfully so.

🌿 How BPD Can Affect Daily Life

People with BPD may experience:

Intense emotional swings that can shift rapidly

Fear of abandonment, even in stable relationships

Black‑and‑white thinking, especially during stress

Difficulty regulating emotions, leading to impulsive reactions

Deep sensitivity to tone, expression, and perceived rejection

Periods of “splitting”, where someone or something suddenly feels all good or all bad

 

These experiences aren’t manipulative or intentional—they’re survival responses. When emotions spike, the brain can slip into threat mode, making it hard to access logic, reassurance, or perspective.

💛 How BPD Affects Loved Ones

Partners, friends, and family members often want to help but may feel unsure how.

 They might experience:

Feeling like they’re “walking on eggshells”

Confusion when emotional states shift suddenly

Hurt when they’re pushed away during a splitting episode

A desire to support, but uncertainty about what actually helps

Exhaustion from trying to stay steady during emotional storms

But here’s the truth: loved ones can be an incredible source of stability, and with understanding, boundaries, and compassion, relationships can become deeply meaningful and resilient.

🌼 What Loved Ones Can Do

Support doesn’t mean fixing someone. It means being present in ways that feel safe and sustainable for both people.

Some gentle approaches include:

Staying calm during emotional spikes, even when it’s hard

Reassuring without over‑promising

Setting boundaries with kindness

Validating feelings, even if you don’t understand the reaction

Encouraging grounding techniques

Remembering that splitting is a symptom, not a reflection of true feelings

Small acts of steadiness can make a world of difference.

🌙 Comfort During Splitting Episodes

Splitting can feel terrifying for the person experiencing it. It’s often described as:

Feeling disconnected from reality

Suddenly believing someone no longer cares

Feeling unsafe or unlovable

A sense of emotional free‑fall

Grounding objects, sensory tools, and comforting rituals can help bring someone back to themselves. Something soft to hold, a familiar scent, a repeated phrase, or a physical reminder of safety can interrupt the spiral long enough for the nervous system to settle.

🧸 A Gentle Companion for the Hard Moments

This is where small, comforting tools can quietly support emotional regulation. Splitzy, one of the Huglets plushes, was created with this in mind—soft plush, a gentle expression, and a design that encourages grounding through touch. While not a replacement for therapy or support, Splitzy can offer a soothing point of focus during moments of emotional overwhelm or splitting.

For some people, holding something soft helps slow breathing. For others, it’s a reminder that comfort exists even when the mind feels chaotic. Splitzy was designed to be that quiet, steady presence—something to hold onto when emotions feel too big, and a symbol of safety that doesn’t judge, react, or disappear.

 

Splitzy Plush are available from the Huglet Store www.huglets.co.uk